Future Christmas Recommendations......

January 12, 2013

FUTURE CHRISTMAS 

RECOMMENDATIONS

We had the final Calloway (my side) Christmas get-together this weekend here at the lake.  Yes, I am aware its almost the middle of January........this also explains why my Christmas tree, outside Christmas lights and Christmas wreath are still where they were on Christmas Day. 

It actually started out with such a pretty sunrise......See??

And I made some discoveries over the past few days that I thought I might share with you.  So, sit back....and learn from my mistakes.

RECOMMENDATION #1:  

Buy Dessert At Costco

If you are asked to bring dessert to the family get-together and you choose to make a cake of any size and it tells you to "flour" the pans; DO IT.  Don't leave this step out; don't "flour" the pans with powdered sugar as I did....just trust me on this.

And when you've beat the heck out of the bottom of the cake pans and the cake still remains glued to the bottom, this might be a good time to consider making cake balls instead of that 3-layer strawberry cake you had originally planned.  Oh ya, trust me when I tell you that cake frosting WILL NOT hold the disintegrated pieces together.  Seriously.....

And if you've opted against the cake balls and moved forward with the cratered, crumbling and cracked 3-layer strawberry cake where the 2nd layer is now sliding off the bottom layer because of the weight of the top layer and all the frosting you have used to cover up all the holes, I recommend you QUICKLY put the cake cover over the whole thing to keep it from sliding off the plate.  REALLY....trust me on this.

And now, the cake "may" have the appearance of having a shotgun blast to the side of it and might be a bit difficult cutting, much less lifting, the cover off without taking the sides of the cake with it.  I have found that by simply flipping the whole thing, plate and lid, upside down, you can turn this calamity from 3-layer cake to a Torte-Want-A-Be in an instant!  Yep...and your family will be "ooing" and "awing" over your amazing abilities!!  Of course......mine never stopped laughing long enough to "ooh" and "awww", but you get the idea.  I like to call this "creative".

RECOMMENDATION #2:  

Don't Ask Family To Make Your Gift

I've always envied those families where they "handmade" the Christmas gifts they gave to each other.  I've tried for 10 years to get my family to be that kind of family.....but they weren't having any of it!  As we drew names this past Thanksgiving, I made it abundently clear to the whole family that whoever drew my name, I wanted it handmade.  No store bought gift.....nope.....I wanted them to be "creative", "expressive" and "visionary".

Turns out, my sister Debbie drew my name.  In years past, she and I would always "rig" the drawing of names to be sure we got each others names.  Afterall, who better knew what we wanted than each other??

This is the last year I will ever "rig" the drawing of names.

She wrote me the sweetest letter.  And in that letter, she gave some "clues" to what she "made" me.  Things like "I wanted to get you something you would NEVER get yourself, something you would never forget...."  I was so excited!  I couldn't wait to see where her creative mind had taken her!  I was downright proud of that woman!!

Until I opened the next envelope........

Turns out, she made me an appointment with Paul Anderson............for an asinine Colonoscopy!  He's a Gastroenterologist......She made me an appointment for
February 26......Seriously??

That was my "Crappy Handmade Christmas Present"!

Moral of this story?  Heck if I know........but I seriously can't wait till her birthday March 24!

MERRY "JANUARY" CHRISTMAS 

FROM MY DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY